Leave Me Alone and Get Away From Me

So, I’m cleaning up my computer and I find the most hilarious chat ever. Well nah, not really. It’s just when I’m mean to people the annoy the crap out of me, I truely enjoy every minute of it. I mean c’mon! When I don’t want to talk to someone, I tell them: I don’t like you, or, you annoy the shit out of me, please go away and LEAVE ME ALONE! But SOME people NEVER get the fucking message. They should get a book thrown at them. Pfft, even with that, they still don’t get it through their THICK FAT head. Well anyways, I just found it so funny!

3/11/2006 3:04:35 PM:

Annoying Chick: hey is Hustlers big or small?
Me: Beats me.
Annoying Chick: oh.. iam going to send a message to as i lay dying to try to come here and i beg on my knees :P
Annoying Chick: i doubt it but eh what the heck i’ll try :P
Me: Good for you.
Annoying Chick: fine
Annoying Chick: ok
Annoying Chick: bye
Annoying Chick: meany
Me: Whatever.



9:39:46 PM [NOTE: My mind doesn’t change about her after six hours.]
Annoying Chick: hey Annoying Chick: did i tell u 2 add this guys? www.myspace.com/melodicviolence ?? there awsome there a band
Me: Do I know you? [NOTE: Yep, there’s a lie.]
Annoying Chick: yes i went to the mall with stepy in the summer
Annoying Chick: i was the used fan but not anymore
Annoying Chick: Gosh nvm
Me: Th only Used fan I knew was Percilla.
Annoying Chick: yeah but i used to Love them
Annoying Chick: NVM
Me: Whatever.
Annoying Chick: i went to the mall with u guys in the summer like a long ass time ago
Me: Leslie? [NOTE: I just randomly said a name of a person I know. Haha.]
Annoying Chick: NO
Annoying Chick: Lauren i live in the south side [NOTE: NO SHIT SHERLOCK. WE ALL LIVE IN THE SOUTH. && WHY THE FUCH WOULD I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE?!]
Annoying Chick: look>>> [NOTE: Telling me to look at her UGLY face in her display picture.]
Annoying Chick: Nope. Don’t know any Lauren.
Annoying Chick: >>
Annoying Chick: ring a bell?
Me: I can’t see it bcause I don’t have you on my list. [NOTE: TOTAL LIE! I HAD HER ON MY LIST. HAHA.]
Annoying Chick: Well have me on my list
Annoying Chick: on your
Annoying Chick: **
Annoying Chick: sry [NOTE: PFFT, SHE FUCKING CORRECTS HER ALREADY HORRIBLE GRAMMAR.]
Me: Why?
Me: I don’t know you.
Annoying Chick: cuz just see my pic
Annoying Chick: well i do [NOTE: Of course you know yourself, stupid kid.]
Me: That’s a lame excuse for me to add you.
Annoying Chick: no
Annoying Chick: i know u u were hyper when we went to the mall
Me: Uh huh ... Me: All my friends are hyper.
Annoying Chick: they kick us out @ hottopic
Annoying Chick: there we alot of us
Me: I’ve been kick out of there millions of times.
Annoying Chick: lol [NOTE: Stupid bitch, that wasn’t meant to be funny.]
Annoying Chick: yeah jerry was there 2 and ppl where there 2 [NOTE: Omfg, kill me already! UGLY GRAMMAR!]
Me: Jerry and I always get kicked out.[NOTE: I totally made it obvious on purpose about who we were talking about.]
Annoying Chick: lol [NOTE: Still, nothing’s funny.]


11:28:23 PM [NOTE: She doesn’t leave me alone! WTF?!]

Annoying Chick: hey do u really want one of your fav bands to come to laredo?
Me: Don’t care.
Annoying Chick: go to http://laredoarena.com/events/survey/ take a suvery and the suvery say’s what Event do u want to Atted 2 u can put ( your fav bands name there) and there are going to read it can maybe going to come to laredo
Annoying Chick: FINE

Annoying Chick: just tel your friends plz
Me: No.
Annoying Chick: so rock bands could come to Laredo
Annoying Chick: FINE
Me: Whatever.
Annoying Chick: bitch
Annoying Chick: Bitch [NOTE: LMFAO, WTF?! THAT WAS SO STUPID TO SAY IT TWICE.]
Me: Yeah don’t you dare call me that because you don’t know who you’re messing with.

Then she logs off. HAHA! I win!

Then one day she fucking adds me on MySpace. So I’m thinking, "Oh god, it’s this stupid kid again. What the fuck does she want from me?!" So I deny, cause I’m just a bitch that way. So I continue living with life, then the next day she’s trying to add me again! So still being the bitch I am, I denied her again. Then she doesn’t stop bothering me! She just keeps trying to add me. So I got fed up with it and just added her as a friend. Then I left her a comment comparing her to a fucking stalker. Cause basically she was. And it was an embarassing comment for her too. I just fucking told her off. Then she has to be a fucking dumb little shitball and says, "Oh, you better me nice to me!" WAIT! Let me put it in her way of "talking":

"u better b nice 2 me! my dads a cop n he can arrest u, blah, blah, blah, OINK, OINK, OINK!!!"

PFFT! BITCH LIKE I FUCKING CARE? YOU’RE THE ONE WHO IS HARASSING ME ONLINE! I DON’T WANT TO ADD YOU AS A FRIEND! GET OVER IT! I COULD SERIOUSLY CARE LESS. SO RUN OFF LITTLE PIGGY! CRY ALL THE WAY HOME! SERIOUSLY.
So that was the end of that! Hadn’t heard or seen her in a while.

Then one day, during the summer, Jenn, Percy, and I, are in Spencer’s. Then of a sudden she’s like, "OHMIFOOKINGAWD! HAAAAAAAAAAAYGIRLHAAAAAAAAAAY!" Haha, nah, just kidding about that. But seriously she was like, "OMFG! HEY YOU GUYS! LONG TIME NO SEE!" And she gives a hug to Jenn and Percy [THEY TOTALLY HAD THESE FUNNY FACES LIKE WTF ON THEM! AHAHAHA!] , and me still being the bitch I am, REFUSED to say hi or even give her a hug. She steps forward to give me a hug and I’m just there, "Get away from me." She gives me this bad look and says bye. HILARIOUS! I COULDN’T STOP LAUGHING.

Man, I seriously feel bad for her. I wonder if she’s ever gotten her ass kicked. I swear to god, I’ll kick her ass if she ever bothers me again. Well, I’ll VERBALLY kick her ass. =] Because I totally ROCK at that. All she can say is OINK, OINK, OINK.

Stupid pig.

But in reality, I’m not this mean. I’m actually pretty nice. Just that if you annoy the shit out of me, I’ll be a bitch to you. What goes around, comes around. =] I’m not afraid to be me.

And SORRY for those who are friends with her. I just can’t help myself. :]

But before any of you think she's the innocent one: she annoyed the shit out of me. One of our friends invited her to the mall with us without even telling us. I was okay with it, but she kept getting into my business whenever I would talk to one of my friends. Plus, I have this thing were I hug my friends randomly for a long time, and seriously, she expected for me to hug her like that too. Woah, how about you get the fuck away please? Then if I would tell her I was busy online, she would get into a bitchy fit and start telling me off. Wtf? She was just plain retarded.

As The World Falls Down, Falling In Love.

So the other day, I had a hard time sleeping. So I decided to watch the Labyrinth.

Back In The Band

I know I made a post about this yesterday, but it was on MySpace [I know, totally lame]. Well, here goes nothing ...

So a little while ago [again], I was thinking of reading another book. I’m currently reading three books [Middlesex, The Kite Runner, & Eragon] and yes all at the same time. It's a bad habbit of mine. Well anyways, yesterday I remembered about a book I’ve been wanting to read these past couple of days. The only bad thing is, I haven’t even bothered to look for the book at B. Dalton’s. That Tuesday that we went to go recruiting at Lamar Middle School for VMT, Jenni, Alex, Martin, and I went during our setup time to visit some old teachers. Just for kicks, I wanted to say hi to Mrs. Zamora, my old seventh grade teacher that I use to hate with a passion. She told me that she had recently published a book called Back In The Band. So just out of curiousity, I seriously want to read this book now. Here's the description about the book:

"On their first day of middle school, Cranko along with his friends Mark and Steve explore the haunted bathroom, meet their cruel band director, and make friends with colorful characters, i.e. Vulture and Plankton. But one of his fellow tuba players makes life brighter by pranking both band members and teachers alike. Before Christmas his band director abandons ship only to be replaced reluctantly by Cranko’s wayward dad. With just a few months to prepare them for competition, his dad changes their routines, training them with his own unique style. By the end of the year, Cranko and the band compete against his rival as he meets obstacles both on and off the field."

It sounds interesting, considering that I’m not in band. But why do I want to read this book so badly? Is it my curiousity and my thirst for a new book? Or is the curiousity of wanting to read between the lines, trying to figure if this was seriously written by someone that has affected my life? Mrs. Zamora, oh, how much I hated her with all my heart. Or maybe ... maybe I didn’t hate her at all. Maybe I’ve been in denial all this time. She was the first person to ever actually find an interest in whatever I wrote and somehow ... she made me feel human. She made me feel normal. She saw beyond my outter-shell and considered me human. And I guess, she’s one of the only people that has encouraged me to actually want to write, to actually want to put the world I’ve create in my mind into words. I don’t know, maybe I'm just thinking too much. Or I'm totally on imaginary crack.

And just right now, I had memories from summer. Memories of how much I "hate" J. K. Rowling for killing Snape. I mean ... C'MON! SNAPE?! WHY SNAPE?! Snape had always been my favorite character, and she ends up killing him. NICE. Plus, I think she could've given Harry Potter's son a better name. No offense. But other than that, Deathly Hallows is my favorite from the Harry Potter series.

Thanks to my A.P. U.S. History homework, I haven't felt like reading. I get really exhausted just reading for six hours straight [which is totally my fault by the way, since I put off my homework till the last minute]. I've had a week to finish doing two chapters of notes and the packets that went with it. I'm pretty much screwed. Oh well, summer school, here I come.

Honestly

Ugh, I don’t know why my mom gets so fucking pissed off when I tell her my opinion doesn’t matter. I bet she gets mad because it’s fucking true. Like we take turns going out to get/ordering food. Then when it’s my turn, she doesn’t ever like what I want to eat. Seriously it pisses me off. I’m always in the mood for fucking chinese food or seafood and she never fucking wants any. So instead of me choosing, she chooses for me. Then I’m angry for the rest of the day and she’s getting all pissed off because it’s what "I choose," when I never fucking said it. Ugh, it pisses me off so much. The only time I get my say so is on my birthday. And this past birthday was total shit because we had to take care of my niece and nephew. Ugh. Then also, my friends and I never really like the same food and we really don’t go out to eat much, so ... =/

Then also my mother asks me on my opinion on clothes and I tell her what I think. If I don’t like it, she gets pissed. If I like it, she still gets pissed and says it’s ugly. God woman! MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND! >_<

I’m sorry, I love my mom alot, but this household is NOT fair.

You Talk to Me ... as if From a Distance ...

And I reply with impressions chosen from another time.

I wish I was a robot.

So I couldn’t learn how to love.

I’m tired of this world.

I feel so alone.

I lost my only happiness for something that was horrible.

I lost my best friend just for a "few days of rest."

I lost connection to the world.

I don’t know how to be me in public.

I don’t know how to speak anymore.

I don’t even know which ways up and which ways down.

I don’t even know how to catch his fucking attention.

Maybe I should fucking capture his game

and fucking tie it to my face.

blah blah blah

I’m tired of Laredo.

I’m tired of having no one to fucking understand me.

I’m tired of this shit.

I fucking hate this place.

Someone needs a fucking brain.

This Is Still My Life

NOT YOURS TO DEFINE!
Anyone in their right mind,
would NEVER let you inside.

Ugh ... so the world falls apart when you get anxiety attacks. You know how many I've gotten today? THREE.Do you know how many I've gotten this month so far? EIGHTEEN. D: It's just feelings that I've kept in a bottle for so long. It's like ... I'm a balloon. I fill myself with air and then all of a sudden I just POP. I break down ... and not just cry. But I actually get really sick, I start to shake, it gets harder to breathe, I cry till I puke, and even then, I just puke without crying. And this is not depression. It's just that ... I don't know how to handle emotions anymore. I don't. I've been dead for over a year. Ever since the ending of THAT first year, I lost connection with myself and the world. It's as if someone beat the shit out of me, put me in a coma, and dumped me in the middle of Alaska without any clothes. [Woah, intense, I'd probably die.] And then there's the fact that I can't focus anymore. I blank out into space [and no I'm not on crack, douchebag]. Someone could be talking to me and I just can't here a word they're saying. So most of the time, I'm just starring at their mouth trying to read their lips because I just can't hear. Maybe God's trying to punish me for all the shit I've done. Nah, I don't want to blame [something/the Super Being] I [may/may not] believe in. It's just my old friend Karma mocking me. [Which that reminds me, I should really start writing my new story.] Going back to my anxiety attacks! I have medication, but I refuse to talk it. I feel too mellow with it [as it is, I'm already quiet enough around my friends and it's awkward].Actually come to think of it, I have two medicines for it. Shit. Then my mother has been noticing I don't come out of my room that often anymore and she's noticing that I go to sleep super late. And I even think that she also hears me sleep-talking. I overheard her and my dad talking about me crying in my sleep and saying several things such as: "I don't know who I am anymore." - "I'm too invisible." - "Stop [killing/taking away] my [friends/family]." - "I just want to disappear." I also overheard her saying that she tries to wake me up but I tell her no I'm fine. So I'm just here like, "What? I don't remember her talking to me." 0.o [Maybe that's why she's been pissed off at me for not cleaning my room. And possibly that's the reason why my guitar was in it's case. I seriously did not remember putting it back into the case. Also, my Criss Angel calender was changed to the next month. But I leave it on Feb. because it's a SEXY picture of him. Yeah, I notice when things are out of place or changed.] BACK TO THE SUBJECT! Now because of all of this, my mom is trying to get me to go to counseling. So I'm considering it, but only because I need to open up to somebody. One: my friends wouldn't really understand [they think high school way, not grown-upish, sorry if this offends]. Plus I doubt their attention span would be able to focus for that long. Two: I guess I feel really comfortable around strangers. Three: I'm just tired of talking to my alter-egos. Autumn, Echo, Jared, Monklin, Shadow, Sickness, Remix, and Velocity [I think I'm missing a few] aren't just gonna cut it for me. But the point is, why should I go when I know that I'm not depressed? I'm just lonely. I mean, come on! I laugh at the smallest and simplest things in the world! I sometimes even smile for no reason at all. If I was depressed [like I use to be] I wouldn't even be trying to live my life well or trying to make myself a better person. Whatever. Just bleh! Too many things pile ontop of each other at the same time.

And I have failed to do my homework that I've had for TWO WEEKS.

Oh God, please forbid APUSH.
[Ahahaha, that sounds so funny.]

P.S. The day I will surely know if I'm depressed will be the day when my nephew [along with my sister and neice {I love them too. =P}] moves back to Mission. D: I'm going to cry so much. I love my nephew alot because he was born here in Laredo [a day before Warped Tour, w00t!] and I've spent two years of my life with him! I love him so muuuuuuuuuuch. He's always smiling and he always makes my day so much better. And now they're going back to UGLY Mission [Texas] to be with their [WHORABLE] UGLY DOUCHEBAGCUNTFACE father. [He's not THAT bad now, but I still can't accept him for what he did to my sister.] So that possibly means that I'm going to curl up into a ball and hide in the corner of my room for a month.

Yeah, I just went through five moods in one blog.

HAH!

Love Is a Risk To Always Get Hit Out Of Nowhere ...

FAILURE.

But possibly hope. =/

But then again ...

With you ...

All actions come into play.

=/

THIS IS TOO COMPLICATED.

Why?

I'll Began to Change My Mind,
When You Could Explain Why.

My hair es shit, =/. And I still feel sick from today. X_X I ended up puking whatever I ate. I puked my fruit roll-up! D:

Pfft, fucking douchebag of a "best friend" says "be right back" and just totally left. Hah. I already knew you were going to leave. I'm not retarded you stupid shithead. I've already learned not to trust and relay on you. I'm tired of you, why can't we just end our friendship already and save time that would be used for arguing with each other? But I know half of this is my fault. You made me choose last time you visited.

If you want me to step out of your life,
just tell me, please.
I really respect you and I really want you to be happy.

Ugh. What the fuck was I thinking then? Shit ... memories. I fucking cried as you hugged me. Then you had to do the most damaging thing any person can do to me. You fucking starred into my eyes and said that you cared. You destroyed the last of my kindness for you. I started kicking and screaming at you.

I fucking hate you, you douchebagcuntfacehebitch!
Why can't you just fucking call me once?
Why couldn't we just hang out as friends?
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO GUTS TO COME BACK TO MY HOUSE
AND FUCKING TELL ME THE SAME SHIT OVER AGAIN?!

And personally, my favorite:
[and of course, I did NOT mean]

Why do you have to be so fucking FAT
and not feel any pain I'm trying to inflect on you?!

I fucking wish you get into a car crash right when you leave my house!

Damn. Woah ... you seriously fucked me up right then and there. And I hope you knew then and know now that I never meant a single word of it.

Except the part where I told you, you were fat. You're not fat, just buff. Gross.

Then you fucking wiped away my tears. You don't do that to other girls. Especially the ones who you're not suppose to love anymore. Plus, you have a girlfriend! Then you're there telling me that you never stopped loving me. What the fuck is that? Make up your mind, please. I don't want you back, but I don't think it's fair for your girlfriend [even if I hate her guts for hating me for the most stupidest and childish reasons ever].

And this is to your girlfriend: Why would I want him back after I ended it TWO times? And it was even going to be three! Why would I want him back after all the shit we went through? Why would've I wanted him back after I had another relationship going on? Why would I want him? Why is it so hard for you to understand that all I wanted from him was his friendship. Shit, I knew him for four years, while you knew him for six months. Stupid. Both of you are. I had nothing against you, but you started hating me first. What goesaround, comes around. And HE'S stupid because he's the one who just doesn't want to end the friendship. if he did, we wouldn't of been talking. NOT EVEN SMALL TALK. Ugh. You're both stupid.

Thanks for fucking me up even more today, *****.

Why can't you just look me in the eyes again
and this time tell me if we're going to stay friend or NOT?

Strangers In the Night

No, no, no!

I am happy.

Really I am.

I'm just really lonely.

It's too complicated to explain

when you've already found something

and I'm still stuck out here.

Lost in reality.

But really ...

I am HAPPY.

I'm just not me lately.

Runaway When I Feel Danger ...

Danger Hides In Every Stranger.
Stranger Things Have Happened,
So I Feel Like Being Stranger Laughting.

How about a nice, THANKS for being a FRIEND?

Why is it that I fucking go out of my way to try and help friends.

I try to put a fucking smile on their faces, helping them with their problems,

listening to them complain more than any person should.

I do a bunch of shit for them!

And when I need help, what do I get in return?

Nothing, absolutely FUCKING NOTHING.

And all they can tell me is, "I'm sorry" and not even fucking mean it.

At least with a fucking stranger,

I get a HUGE thanks and a smile.

I just get a half-assed smirk from friends.

Thanks for taking advantage of my kindness.

Only Two, Just Me and You ...

It's always better when we're together.

Yep! Today might be a good day. =] Going out for BREAKFAST in a bit. =P

Then we're going shopping!

Then to the Buck's game!

I'm constantly changing.

I kind of like it.

Right now, even if everything is turning out shitty, I'm doing pretty well.

I've been disappearing a lot.

And it's kind of a comforting feeling.

And lately, I've been putting family before friends.

And I feel happy with my family.

Start of a new me?

Nah ... probably just taking a break. XD

Can you tell me what stops the rain?

So I feel so distant from my friends. It's the usual feeling ... like usual. So I've been "disappearing" during lunch. My friends hang with their other friends and me beginning to be unentertained with the same people [with the same topics and jokes] around me, decide to seperate myself from the human world. It's a dull feeling being around them. So I escape to the St. Peter's Plaza. But today, I wanted to go, but no offense, somebody I knew was there. So I was bummed because if I were to go they'd probably think I was following them. =/ So today's lunch was CRAPPY. Except for the fact that Astrid was slapping her ass next two a flag pole and a group of MIDI guys, which was pretty funny for that matter.

[twitches]

Recruiting was 'right, I believe. Not sure if we recruited anyone. Oh well ... it's not a loss to me. Actually ... recruiting went by VERY fast. 0.o I don't even remember today at all. I just remember playing Ms. Pac-Man on my [colored] SP. XD Then I just remember winding up at the library with my dad. [Which by the way, there was a very hott guy there looking at books on "How to Draw Manga." Plus a hott chick reading about ghosts. And randomly an old man was poking his nose while reading a book about Texas.] And now I've just wasted almost two hours doing nothing. [Which that reminds me ... I haven't paid the money I owed to the library since the 5th grade. AHAHAHA! Which also reminds me ... where did I put the book that my dad checked out for me. >_>?]

Well anyways, I haven't been all that here lately. Like yesterday, Jenni, Percy, Gabi, and I went to the mall ... and really ... I DON'T REMEMBER GOING. O_O I remember being there, but it felt like it was ... three weeks ago or something! >_<

AND I FIXED MY COMPUTER BEOTCHES! :D I GOTS ALL ME MUSIKS BACK!!!!! :E

Plus ... I think ***** is the HUGEST PUTOCUNT in the world.

Just like to share that with the world. =]

I get bored with invisible monsters.

How strange.

Everyone says that they're bored when they have nothing to do. In fact, it's very cliched (just like the word itself). But ... I just noticed. I don't get bored. I'm never really bored. I always find ways to entertain myself. And I know at least half of you are going to think I'm a hypocrite because I say "I'm bored" all the time. It's not that I'm bored, I'm just unentertained and it's just a habbit to say it. I mean c'mon! I say I'm bored while I'm walking. Who the crap says that? Seriously, no one could be THAT bored. I blank out a lot (such as thinking about nothing, daydreaming, or totally into whatever I'm doing), so pretty much 25% of my life is lived unconsciously. Plus another 5-25% that I'm asleep. I hate saying that I'm bored when I know myself, that I'm not. The only time I can really say that I'm bored is when I'm restless. Like when my mom drags me along to go with her to get a haircut, I get really restless there because it's such a dull non-entertaining atmosphere. So I guess it's not boredom ... just restlessness.

Whatever, I'm just NEVER bored.

End of story.

So the Kite Runner ... I read two chapters more. AND PFFFFFFT! ES MUCHO GAY! FUCK THIS BOOK! IT'S SO DEPRESSING! Why does Mr. Flores love to read depressing thing a lot? Haha. Five bucks and my left "nut" says that I got a ZERO on my rough-draft.

I still need to read: Middlesex, Eragon, this "Philosophy" book. XD