Created By: Monklin

Saturday, May 31, 2008

The Adventure Begins!

Well, today was my niece's birthday party! :D Yesterday we left from Laredo around 9:30-ish PM, and got here at 12:30 AM. The drive over here to McAllen was pretty fun. My mom took control of the satillite radio and she put some 70's music. I started singing and dancing to the music. Then I would get this weird stares from my mom. I can't believe we left so left. It was mega-dark on the road. : I was paranoid ... XD My mom had also bought me Jam Session for my DS, which I seriously SUCK at. But I had fun playing it on the way to McAllen. Before we got to my sister's house, we say this weird post thing that supposidly has "a cop inside it". It's this weird tall thing and it has red and blue flashing lights. "It's suppose to help stop crime and shoplifting ... etc. etc." Whatever! My mom and I both thought it was like some cop car on a roof of a building. Haha. I guess you'd need to be there in the moment to actually understand. I felt so happy when we got here! I hadn't my sister and her kiddos in the longest time. I jumped out of the car and my nephew ran to me and hugged me! :D I felt so loved! Before we had left Laredo, my mom and I went to Toy'R'Us and bought my niece and nephew a playhouse and a Slip'N'Slide! So when we arrived, Kiki [my niece] made us set it up for her. So my dad and I took all the crap out of the boxes and had a hard time setting everything up, but I think we did a good job after a few long hours of hard labor. :P My nephew Adam was having fun just playing with one of the walls with the door on it, while we were trying to put it all together. By the time we finished, it was around 2-3 am. When we were getting ready to go to bed, my nephew Adam was crying for my dad, so he slept with us. But he took up most of the bed even if he's just [almost] 2 years old. XD In the middle of the night, my nephew woke up crying because he wanted more teti [juice-bottle]. I woke up around 9:30 AM when my mom got up and went to take a shower. After she was done, I went to go take a shower and apparently I'm able to tie my hair back and hold the front part of my hair with clips, and it actually looks alright. w00t! We still had a few hours to kill since the party was at 1:30 PM. My sister made us some yummy pancakes and some coffee. ^-^ YUMMM! After that, we played some weird Trivia Game on the Wii, and I could stop laughing about the Wiimote. It just sounds so cute. Haha. :P [Yeah, I'm mega-lame.] Then finally we finished getting ready and left to the party. Apparently, the Peter Pipers here in McAllen are WAY empty on Saturdays compared to Laredo's Peter Pipers. [._.]' It was like ... 0.o ... really nice? I don't know. I think it went smoothly. It was nice and calm, and no crazy Mexican kids running around like crazy. [I'm a Mexican-American, so STFU, I'm not racist.] Alot of weird stuff happened but it was fun. :D My niece grabbed chunks of the cake and totally stuffed her face. Haha. [I think my dad's bored, I totally just lost my cellphone in the couch and when I went to look for it in the room, my dad was laying down flippin' channels. He's all alone.] Some people are here at my sister's house playing lorteria. People that I know, by the way. XD I don't know. I felt the need to state that. They've been playing since ... wtf, I just looked up at the television and a frog just puked out a ring. O_______O WHAT THE FUCKIN' SHIT. DAMN. Oh yeah, they've been playing since we got here around ... 4? 0.o Maybe earlier. And right now, all I'm doing is typing this blog, eating a slice of cake, playing the Wii, and stuffs. I'm probably going to go paint in a bit. :D Well, that's all for now. :]
Monklin!
P.S. My sister has this weird photo of a momma giraffe kissing a baby giraffe on the head. It looked like a weird giraffe with a big head before I realized it was an actually picture. Haha, I'm stupid.
P.S.S. I'll also post some picture of my adventure to McAllen later. :]
P.S.S.S. JENNI GOT A FUCKIN' CAR. : DAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMN!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Painting! :D

So! I didn't go to school the last two days! :D And guess what I've been doing all this time?
SLEEPING!
Guitar Hero.
PAINTING!
Guitar Hero.
Lunch!
Guitar Hero!
PAINTING!
MICHAEL'S!
PAINTING!
GUITAR HERO!
PAINTING!
SHOWER!
SLEEP!
And today was the exact same thing. :D
Thanks to these amazing women on YouTube called Suzi Blue and Samantha Kira, I've decide to start a new sketchbook. Well actually, an art book! :D And thanks to this new hobby, I've forgotten my online life. Which I find it to be a good thing. Now you can only find me on MSN whenever I'm not set on busy, or on YouTube! :D So I find this new project to be very time consuming. Right now, I really need to go buy some ModPodge(sp?)! I have heard some good things about it, so I'm going to try to buy some this Sunday.
Guess how many times I've gone to Michael's this week? Twice! And guess how many times I've gone last week? Three times. :D According to my daddy this "hobby" of mine is getting "very expensive". But I'm glad my daddy still supports me. My mom just thinks I'm crazy.
And I think today I just realize my "style" of drawing. My characters don't have eyeballs! Muahahaha!
Well, I'll post more later, I'm off to go eat some FrootLoops and watch Stranger Than Fiction.
P.S. I've noticed that I'm happier when I'm painting, and I really forget about all my problems. :D
P.S.S. I'M IN LOVE WITH DUCT TAPE! :D
P.S.S.S. I'm more addicted to painting than hot green tea! :D :D :D

Saturday, May 24, 2008

I'll pray for words to say to make these miles disappear.

I can't get over him. A person I don't even know and rarely even see. How can I possibly fall for someone I don't even understand. What even attracted me to him anyways? He's almost everything I hate. I try looking for someone else or just no one at all, but all I see is him, him, HIM. It drives me crazy because it's controlling my mind. I just can't escape these thoughts. I can't even escape a stupid memory. I use to be able to control all of this until ... that smile. A smile, possibly even fake, just capture me in a bottle. I just want to be set free. And possibly by next year, I fall into the pits of hell. I won't hav anymore friends, THAT'S FOR SURE. And the only thing, the only person I want in my life, will just ... disappear. I don't want to fall in love. I don't want any of this. But then again, I don't even know what the hell I want.
Autumn, you'll never know how much it truely hurts.
I just wish I could find the words to show you the real me.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I've Got Too Many Excuses To Never Love Again.

I don't need a fucking relationship. I don't need a stupid boyfriend/girlfriend. I don't need this "love". ALL I WANT IS SOMEONE TO FUCKING UNDERSTAND! I NEED A HUMAN CONNECTION! UGH, NO! ALL I NEED IS A FUCKING REAL FRIEND. SOMEONE WHO CAN ACTUALLY KEEP PROMISES THAT NEED NO COMMITMENT!
Ugh. It's 2 in the fucking morning and I can't sleep to save my life. Either I'm creating a sleeping disorder, or my head has just been filled up with too many things. UGH, RANT:
Apparently I'm one of those stupid people that "fall in love" easily. I seriously hate that, and no matter how hard I try, I just can't change it. I mean ... c'mon! I lasted two fucking years with a stupid asshole because I was too blind to see how shitty of a human he was. Then I had a great relationship with this girl but ugh, my mind just said fuck her. Then that was over. Then another relationship, great, awesome ... TOTALLY NOT THE ONE. Like what the fuck? Who the fuck am I? And most importantly: WHY THE FUCK DO I GET MYSELF INTO RELATIONSHIPS? The main problem here is: I don't understand this ... "love". Even with my parents, I sometimes doubt that they're in love. Especially with a semi-fucked up two-four years that were robbed from my childhood. Sometimes I think that maybe things would have gone better if my parents would've actually went through with slipting up. Also, I mean ... C'MON I'M IN FUCKING HIGH SCHOOL. I'm still a fucking kid. A kid who kids themself. -_- I'm going crazy. I see relationships and marriages turning into shit, why would I want to be a part of that cycle? I can't handle a break-up either. Pfft. When you go out with someone and you break-up with them, 99% of the time it's hard for them to go back to normal and act like friends. There's just a major awkwardness left. Maybe I'm meant to be alone for the rest of my life. Maybe ... everyone is meant to be alone. But I hate the fact that a part of me says "GO AHEAD AND GET A RELATIONSHIP YOU PUSSY!" And another part of me says, "DON'T BE A STUPID DOUCHECUNT AND FALL FOR SOMEONE WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'LL END UP LEAVING THEM LATER ON IN LIFE!"
Then sometimes I feel like ... I'm not ready to accept life, my future. I don't even know what the hell I want to do with my life. I get an anxiety attack whenever I think too much into my future. Then just knowing that I'm going to lose my "best friends" from NOW to NEXT SUMMER. My senior friends probably could care less about me. Jenni is moving next summer to College Station. Percy and I are not really close. Matthew is sometimes too much of a kid to even consider a serious conversation. Then the other people I know are all mostly in band or orchestra. Stupid me for getting out. Other than that ... that's all! Lost. Everything is fucking lost. I'm lost. Sometimes I can't even tell the difference between a friend and a stranger. Wait, yeah I can. STRANGERS LISTEN MORE THAN MY FRIENDS DO.
Today an ugly little spider crawled up my back and it scared the sit out of me. Normally I don't mind spiders, but this one looked fucking creepy. AND APPARENTLY IF IT BITES YOU, YOU GET SICK! UGH. D: I SERIOUSLY SCREAMED. I hate things that crawl ... okay ... not really. But if they're crawling on me, then I get fucking freaked.
I don't feel human anymore. I seriously still can't believe that I forgot how to be human. After two years of sticking to one person, I lost my human connection. How nice, right? Seriously, sometimes I forget my way around town ... I just got so fucked up last summer. I can't even keep a stupid conversation going anymore.
You know what's sad? My friends rarely want to hang out. The last time I ever hung out with my friends before last Friday was on St. Patrick's Day, WHICH WAS FUCKING TWO MONTHS AGO. SO TWO WHOLE MONTHS OF NOT DOING ANYTHING. [Except kickass in Kingdom Hearts! :D] BUT OTHER THAN THAT ... NOTHING! JUST LAST WEEK WE HUNG OUT. FIVE BUCKS SAY WE'RE NOT GOING TO HANG OUT AT ALL THIS SUMMER.
I feel so fuckin' sick. It's probably just me, but for most of the night, I have become best friends with my toilet. Yeeep. GOOD OLD TOILET! I CAN'T STOP PUKING MY GUTS OUT! AND I KNOW IT'S NOT BECAUSE I ATE SOMETHING BAD. I JUST FEEL SO HORRIBLE. I WANT TO SCREAM.
I hate guys with big lips. They usually have the BEST SMILES IN THE WORLD.
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GAH, I NEED A LIFE.
I NEED SLEEP.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Thanks, Mom. Thanks, God.

For fucking up the ONLY weekend I had with my friends.

I haven't hung out with any of my friends in two months.

Thanks, Mom. Thanks, God.