05182010

Things have been going study. For the past week or two, I've been on bed rest due to a bump on my leg. I doubt you'd want to hear the story. Let's just say that they had to cut my leg and there was a lot of pain involved. Anyways, it's my short summer break before I start summer classes in two weeks and I have not been able to do much. I guess this is a chance for me to catch up on a few things and set my mind straight on others.

Things I've been working on:

- Portrait Project

- Windows Project

- Writing Postcards & Letters

- Art House Co-op Projects

- Filling up old sketchbooks.

Things are changing and I think we all know it. Hopefully things are changing for the better right now. I think I need a miracle at this moment.

I want my leg to get better. I'm tired of being stuck in my own house. Today was the first day in a while that I was able to set foot outside.

I want to travel.

Anguish?

Why did I hate everything so much? Why did I stop believing in “God”? Why did I lie to myself everyday just to put myself down? Why did I hurt myself?

Things have changed. I feel that I’m becoming a better person even though some people may think otherwise. I stopped hurting myself physically, emotional, and mentally. I’m finally letting people back into my life. I can finally wake up in the mornings without dragging my feet. I’m finally smiling again without even faking it. I have come to terms with my “spirituality” and now believe that in one form or another, there is a god out there. It may not be the god that you believe in, but I’m pretty sure he or she is the same in a way.

I don’t know when I dawned upon this, but I now realize that life is wonderful even through the ups and downs. My family and friends are what keep me sane.

I am alive.

So, where am I now and where am I going? In all honesty, I am more lost than ever. I am chasing my dreams without a map. This is an adventure with many possible outcomes.

Right now my mind is made of mush.. I’m not sure if it’s the medication or because I’m always like this. Probably both.

Sometimes, I feel like I just want to disappear, but then I realize that’s nonsense.