Autumn and Winter

Both so cold-hearted.

Will the seasons change?

Walking down a path,

marching forward for days without an end.

No words ever spoken,

no eyes that ever met.

Then finally, a stop.

The path splits into two.

For the first time we met face to face.

I'll take the left,

and you'll take the right.

We knew things would change.

We knew that even if we never met,

crossing paths was the best mistake we've ever made.

Yet the feeling is mutual.

Scribbles, si?

Such a Beautiful..

voice.

Such a Beautiul Smile.

Why, Autumn?

...why?

Ordered Religions

Is for fools, yo'.
Fuck my life.
I really DON'T want to go to church.
I hate it, I hate it , I hate it.
I'm sorry, but I just can't follow everyone else.
I do believe there's something out there.
Maybe not our God that we believe in.
But there's something else.
And unlike my religion,
I believe we are reincarnated after we die.
Not live eternally in an afterlife.
Hmph.
Who knows?

Would you fall in love?

And will it not be me?
There's something missing.
And I can't help but watch you slowly fade away.
You know there's something more.
Maybe, I'm lost, Autumn.
Maybe...
we're suppose stay this way.
Maybe...
we're meant to be enemies for the rest of this life.
Maybe in the next life,
we could be something more.

When will sun set for the last time?

Sirens

I keep hearing too many sirens
And all I can think about is you burning the city down,
with you standing on the building tops
glowing with joy and with fiery hate.
Isn't it beautiful, Autumn?
Don't you just love it when the chaos calms your nerves?

Autumn, will you be my arsonist?

-----

I'm still so lost. I don't know weither to like you and try to do something about it. Or forget about you and move away from this place. We're so alike, and it's too hard for me to live like this. Only one of us can be the ONE. Only one of us can be above the rest. I don't blame you.

"We are oft to blame,in this 'tis too much proved, that with devotion's visage and pious action, we do sugar ov'r the Devil himself."

M.C. Hammer

OMFG, THY PUT NELLY ON THE LIST.
THOSE BITCHES.
THAT I DON'T MIND.
BUT MC HAMMER?
WTF.
STUPID DOUCHECUNTS.

MC HAMMER IS THE FUCKIN' BEST!

The 25 Worst Rappers Of All-Time
Posted Thu Apr 17, 2008 1:53pm PDT by Rob O'Connor in List Of The Day

It's said he who doesn't remember history is doomed to repeat it. Well, how does that explain cable television? Vanilla Ice has a new "Greatest Hits" album just out that redefines both the words "Greatest" and "Hits" simultaneously! That shows more genius than his entire career. But be warned, if you celebrate his banal awfulness, you will only be further rewarded with more of the same. The MC Hammer comeback will spring into full force. Nelly will re-find his magical band-aid and Fred Durst will be given a reason to exist. We need to save the planet now. I don't want to say that ignoring Will Smith can have the same effect on the environment as cutting down greenhouse gas emissions, but what if it turned out to be true?

Here are the 25 Worst Rappers of All-Time. We might have a 26th to add if Bill Cosby gets his act together and releases the "rap" album he threatens!

25) Chicago Bears: The Chicago Bears are a professional football team based in Chicago, Illinois. In 1985, before winning the Super Bowl they daringly commemorated their proud achievement with "The Super Bowl Shuffle," a rap tune that made this group of on the field tough guys look like an ineffective glee club. Did they really psych out their opponents with this? So why didn't they record a follow-up? They didn't win the Super Bowl the next year. Honorable mention goes to the Miami Dolphins, the San Francisco 49ers, the L.A. Raiders, the Cincinnati Bengals and the L.A. Rams, other football teams who couldn't resist the urge to kick back a few beats and look more than a little silly.

24) Bubba Sparxxx: Cut from much of the same cloth as Fred Durst, here's another earnest white boy looking to earn his street cred by exhibiting talents he doesn't actually have. You know how a kid will brag that his TV is bigger than your TV and then never get around to showing you this "Big TV"? That's kind of what a Bubba Sparxxx album is like. You keep hearing about how cool and assured he is, but you never actually hear any music that backs up the claim. Guest appearing on tracks by Limp Bizkit and Justin Timberlake should make you very nervous, despite some legit rappers claiming he's OK.

23) Mike Jones: He can't rap, but he sure knows how to make friends. Putting his cellphone number on his T-Shirts ensured that Mike would never be lonely. But can you really trust a rapper whose track "Houston Dynamo (Don't Play)" is the official team anthem for the Houston Dynamos? A soccer team?

22) Bobby Jimmy And The Critters: In the 1980s, it was only a matter of time before someone decided to parody rap music. Weird Al was slow on the draw here. So this Los Angeles group did the honors with such "timeless" classics as "Gotta Potty," "Ugly Knuckle Butt" and "Somebody Farted." I know it sounds pretty good, classy even, but fart jokes get old quick no matter who's doing the telling.

21) 2 Live Crew: Oh, I know they stand for the first amendment. And "Me So Horny" deserves its rightful place in our cultural lexicon. But take away the historical importance and the one-joke wonder of it all and you're left with a crew of dudes who had to break up before everyone figured out they didn't know what the hell they were doing.

20) Nelly: Whoa, Nelly! Yeah, the band-aid was a great gimmick and noting that when it gets hot, it's man's natural instinct to want to take off his clothes, well, that's priceless, too. Maybe his next album Brass Knuckles, slated for release in a few months, will show us a new side to this flat-screen rapper. Surely, he's had time to find qualified producers and to bone up on his diction to make it sound like something more than reading off of cue cards.

19) Dan Aykroyd And Tom Hanks: Dan Aykroyd at least can claim he's a comedian but Tom Hanks is just an actor who's been cast in comedic roles and worn dresses. "City Of Crime" runs through the credits of their 1987 film Dragnet and they even made a video for it, suggesting they had ideas of branching out beyond their acting community. The hip-hop community apparently didn't welcome them with open arms, saving us from further inept endeavors. They make Rodney Dangerfield, Chevy Chase, Joe Piscopo and Eddie Murphy's rap attempts sound nearly legitimate by comparison. That's going some!

18) Chingy: You know an "artist" is really hitting a nerve when they inspire an onslaught of negative reviews at every website you visit. The consensus seems to be: "This guy's beats are terrible and his lyrics are stupid, degrading and barely literate at best." And we're guessing that came from his mom. I didn't need to read all 385 one star reviews to be tipped off to just how much other people don't admire this man's talent. To think he owns houses in multiple cities, partners a restaurant in Miami and has appeared on The George Lopez Show as himself! Someone's got a bit of explaining to do.

17) Elvira: Cassandra Peterson had a perfectly legitimate career as "Elvira" the devilishly seductive vampire. Had she formed a Goth Metal group, it might have made sense, but in 1988 she opted for "The Elvira Rap," a charmingly inept attempt at doing what she does poorly. But she didn't stop there. "The Monsta' Rap" followed. Fool us once, shame on us. Twice, it's your problem, sista!

16) Insane Clown Posse: Face paint, bad rap-metal, once out of rhymes begin spraying their audiences with soda, Insane Clown Posse have all the hallmarks of a bad hype and the terrible, terrible records to back it up. Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope don't do much of anything well. Which explains why they hide their true identities. They make Kiss, their obvious influence, seem like the apex of modern culture in comparison. On the bright side, perhaps it's ICP's lame attempts at rap that have stopped Kiss and their accountants from considering a similar move.

15) Rappin' Duke: Any rapper who boasts of working the mic at Ponderosa isn't likely to be taken seriously. His other claim in his self-titled rap 'Rappin' Duke" that Kurtis Blow and Run DMC wouldn't have heard of rap were it not for the "Rappin' Duke" is as ludicrous as his boast that no rapper would exist after him. The Rappin' Duke never had a career beyond this single (there is a second single believe it or not called "The Duke Is Back" on famed Tommy Boy Records, but he apparently was not, in fact, "back"). That's what you get when you choose John Wayne as your point of hip-hop reference. Sorry, partner.

14) Master P: It isn't until you get to the chorus of Master P's Grammy-winning hit "Make 'Em Say Ugh" that you realize just how bad this is going to be. P doesn't show much promise on the verses, but the guttural, food poisoning groan of nausea that provides the tune with its "hook," is among the genre's dumbest and least appealing. He has made a career out of moaning "Ugh." Of course, this success has been off the chart, ranking him in Forbes as one of the most successful entertainers and entrepreneurs. Thankfully, he now serves as a Youth Ambassador for the NAACP, a move that should lead to fewer musical endeavors. Only God Can Judge Me may be the name of one of his albums, but I prefer to let the people decide this one.

13) Tony Yayo: Being the weakest link in any ensemble brings its own cross to bear. Why do you think Professor Griff was always the most annoyed member of Public Enemy, after all? As a member of G-Unit, Yayo was clearly the caboose of the group. If he really calls his latest album I Am 50's Tax Write-Off, which wouldn't be a bad idea, it would save the IRS time when the audit comes due and blatantly remind everyone he was in a group with 50 Cent. A better idea than Thoughts Of A Predicate Felon. The guy goes to prison on a weapons possession charge, but decides it's better to hype being an Outlaw Of Grammar?

12) Northern State: While some people assume that anyone who can speak can rap, it's not quite that easy. Just as a singer must master pitch and tone, a rapper needs to sound natural. Nothing about this female Long Island trio ever sounds natural. They don't try to pretend they're anything they're not. But being well-educated, literate nerds from Long Island who name-check Al Gore doesn't for convincing rappers make. Grabbing Ad-Rock from the Beastie Boys to produce their album doesn't lend "credibility" either. It looks desperate. And having your tracks featured on Grey's Anatomy is just weird.

11) Shaquille O'Neal: Now I love watching Shaq stand over the basketball net and push the ball in with his hand. Being 12 feet tall has its advantages. Rapping isn't one of them. It doesn't make you sound better. If a midget like the Geto Boys' Bushwick Bill can get it so right, how is it that Shaq could get it so wrong? Well, as Bushwick would tell you "Size Ain't (expletive deleted)." Sure he can wax personal "Biological Didn't Bother" but bad puns like "Can't Stop the Reign" and "Blaq Supaman" (that's not even a pun, that's goofy spelling) just don't quite match up to what he's capable of on the basketball courts.

10) Marky Mark And The Funky Bunch: I believed them when they rapped "I Need Money." That sounded like the truth. But I draw the line when they title an album Music For The People. Why? What did the people ever do to you, Marky Mark? We certainly didn't ask for this music and if we did we should have been more specific. We wanted it to be better, that's for sure. But Marky Mark saw it coming. He knew he had a better career in underwear ads (calling David Beckham!) and in movies. Which is why we don't get to enjoy any new music from him anymore. Somehow, I think we'll make it.

9) K-Fed: When being married to Britney Spears is your greatest artistic accomplishment, you join a long line of Yoko Onos waiting for their eventual artistic validation. Someday, an ironic hip-hop group will no doubt celebrate Playing With Fire, Kevin Earl Federline's debut album. But for now, we're content to pretend it never happened. We'll let him keep custody of his children, but he must promise us to never make another album for as long as he shall live.

8) Will Smith: The people who vote in the Grammy Awards might very well be drunk when they do so. Or maybe they don't listen to the records they vote for. Now rap music wasn't really enjoyed by the "establishment" back in the 1980s, so they were primarily guessing at what the "kids" were listening to. And "Parents Just Don't Understand" was obviously a pretty "wacky" "rebellious" little number with all that clever rhyming! And Will Smith was certainly still "safe" enough to not inspire too much controversy. Which is exactly why he's a lousy rapper. And why Smith got out of there and into acting before everyone caught on.

7) Mr. T: Yes, I pity the fool who thought Mr. T had a career singing, rapping and wearing extremely short camouflage shorts and stretched to the knee tube socks while telling you to treat your mother right. From his instructional video Be Somebody Or Be Somebody's Fool. Why take advice from a guy who seems to have opted for the latter?

6) Fred Durst (Limp Bizkit): You have to question anyone who participates in a group that applauds its own erectile dysfunction. "Rap-metal" sounds like a bad idea, even before you hear how poorly it's executed. Ice-T couldn't pull it off with Body Count and these clowns can't even get the metal part right. So you can only imagine what happens when a rhythmically challenged singer attempts to show his "street cred" by enlisting the help of Method Man, who should've known better than to associate with a group whose stage props have included playing in a toilet. Some hints are more than hints.

5) Puff Daddy: P. Diddy, Puff Daddy, no matter what name you give him, his rapping doesn't improve. Sure, he's been a successful entrepreneur. Apparently, he can sell anything. He sold the idea of talking over a perfectly legitimate hit single by the Police as one of his own creations and winning a Grammy for his troubles. Again, are these people drunk when they vote?

4) Dee Dee King: As the bass player for the Ramones, Dee Dee Ramone was very good at counting off "1-2-3-4" and then playing his bass notes very fast. He didn't sing particularly well, but as a punk rocker he didn't need to. He wrote a handful of great songs. But then he decided he wanted more. He wanted to escape the artistic box that was the Ramones and establish his own identity--as a rapper! We only acknowledge what Dee Dee himself acknowledged. He truly was the "baddest rapper in Whitestone, Queens." R.I.P.

3) Brian Austin Green: Brian Austin Green from the hit TV program Beverly Hills 90210 released a rap album in 1996 with tracks such as "That's Right" featuring the Black Eyed Peas, "Style Iz It," "Didn't Have A Clue" and "Beauty and Da Beats." I believe these titles reflect his passion. And if "sounds great while sleeping in a shopping mall" can be construed as a compliment, then I'm among his biggest fans and--though I hadn't realized it until now--have been anxiously awaiting his "comeback" for 12 years now!

2) MC Hammer: "U Can't Touch This" was first described to me as someone repeatedly yelling "Stop, It's Hammer Time!" over Rick James' "Superfreak." Sounded like a bad idea. Sounded like a bad joke. Then I heard it. MC Hammer went on to sell millions of albums. Some people even took to dressing like him. Yet somehow he never managed to turn this into another marketing line, not even for glasses. That's how he ended up on reality TV, I guess.

1) Vanilla Ice: Whether Suge Knight ever actually dangled Robert Van Winkle, Mr. Vanilla Ice, from a balcony or not, the point intended is an important one: STOP MAKING RAP RECORDS. "Ice Ice Baby" isn't so much a bad song as simply an insult. Instead of making a low-rent porn video, Ice makes Cool As Ice, a film so bad it almost makes you wish he'd stuck to making records.

FOCUS

Yet, I'm still slacking off. Especially with a "college course". I think I'm going to fail English. Ugh. Why did I have to be cursed with a stupid classthat never learns to SHUT THE FUCK UP? I'm so annoyed by them. Mr. Buckley changed our seats around. Now I'm stuck with two people I really don't talk with. I was totally fine next to Jerry. I can't focus anymore. My days are spent waiting for the day to end. Maybe I'm depressed. Nah. I don't know. And fuck. That stupid guy wanted to higher the price of the house AGAIN. Fuck him, fuck that house. I don't my parents to pay so much moneyfor a fucking pre-smoked cancer-filled house. I hope that guy lives in a shithole. NO. I hope that he rots in that stupid house. I wish I didn't live in such a heavily drugged neighbourhood. Fuck my life, seriously. I need change, NOW.

Change is Beautiful.

Well, maybe not all the time. I just want to get this year over already. I'm tired of everyone. I'm tired of everyone being so dumb. I don't want to be a kid anymore. I want to take full responsibility for my actions. I want to get away from this place. I hate Laredo. And I hate almost everyone in it. I'm so bothered. And this feeling of loneliness. Obviously the people who I were friends with last yearjust aren't the same people this year. Always canceling plans, not even listening to my opinions. Sometimes I can't even stand the sight of them anymore. I don't even want to hear their stupid voices. I shut almost everyone out. And my trust in them? That lowered 99%. Who can I trust now? Nobody. Anybody that tells me, "we'll always be friends!" Usually are the first ones to go. And yes, I've always been this cold-hearted. I've never shown it because I've always wore a stupid mask. Well I'm tired of it. No more. No more "plans." No more relationships. No more best friends. No more fake laughter. If you don't want the real me,then don't bother talking to me. I don't want a fake friendships anymore.

U2, Crotches, and Sushi, Oh My!

Today was filled with wonderful adventures and estrogen!
[Except for Louis.]
I got my hair trimmed.
I got a Mr. Freeze Lego toy in my happy meal.
I signed up for driving tomorrow.
[Wish me luck.]
And I got to hang out with some lovely friends. :D
Hippie, Ana, Meagan, Louis, and I went to the planetarium.
We saw the U2 show again.
It was Meagan's and Louis's first time going.
We kept talking about Bono's sexy crotch.
But Louis might be greedy and keep it all to himself.
After that, we went to eat at Koto's.It was fun. :]
Meagan's driving is craz-eh.
But I love it!
And I drove home, while endangering Hippie's life. XD
To sum it all up,today was a great day. :]

Some Dreams are So Powerful,

That They Become Reality.

I am not a person, nor a human.

I am an idea.

Autumn is Changing.

I blurred out the noise,
the screaming of Viva Mexico!
I looked up at the sky.
I closed my eyes as I felt the Autumn breeze.

Autumn?
Could it be?
There was a flash.
You were sitting in front of me.
Your smile.
Then opened my eyes and I saw a clear blue sky.
I thought I had forgotten about you.
I thought you were gone.
Why must you be there?

Maybe the truth is,
I cannot live without you.
You see,
without you,
my ego wouldn't be like yours.
I'd be higher.
I'd be overpowering.
But you.
You kept it at the same level.
We met eye to eye.
You changed me.
I saw the same hate as you did.
I felt the same way.
But I could not speak.
I could not tell you,
show you.
You did not let me in.
But maybe because I alredy knew.
I've lied to you.
I've lied to you more than you'll ever know.
But behind those lies were truth.
Truth that only you would know.
Truth that cannot be seen.

You are the immovable object.
I am the unstoppable force.

We are such strange Egos, aren't we Autumn?

Finding Love at the Pulga.

Last week I told my dad I wanted to go to the Pulga
on Sunday just for the hell of it and he said okay,
but I guess today I totally forgot all about it.

On our way home, when my dad and I left from my Gramma's house
He turned on a street that he never goes through.
He ends up parking next to this random place.
I asked him, "What are we doing here?"
And he replies,
"DIDN'T YOU WANT TO GO TO THE PULGA?
NEVERMIND, LET'
S GO HOME THEN!"
I yelled, "NOOO, NEVER!"
and jumped out of the car.
My dad started laughing and just got out of the car.

We started walking around the Pulga and stuff,
THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN!
THERE WAS A COMIC BOOK STAND!
IT WAS LIKE... THE DC JACKPOT!
So my daddy ended up buying me 10 Batman comics.
:D
I was so happy!
And only for 4 bucks.

Plus, the guy gave me three posters of
Captain America
Vampirella
and
Wolverine.


Today was awesome.
:D

And I drove home.
XD

Yay!

I love my Daddy! :D

The Case of the Giggles

Today was mega-random.
Percy wasn't there in the morning,
but it's okay.
Chembridge was boring,
Gabi wasn't there either.
BIMM was dumb.
Like always.
Accounting was interesting?
I'm learning.
Calculus was confusing,
but I loved it anyways!
:D
Lunch was eh?
Hinojosa's class was okay.
I like the new songs we got.
Cosa punched me mega-hard.
I laughed so much.
Blumberg sucks.
Mr. Buckley was "serious" today.
My dad drove me to the Civic Center,
and from there I drove to my Willita's house
and drove us home.
It was my first time on the streets!
:D
At this rate,
I'll drive by myself instead of with a partner for Driver's Ed.
Hopefully I can finish before my birthday.
Yay.
My sister's coming today!
:D :D :D :D :D
I've been so happy.
It's crazy.
I feel almost human.

I love talking business with my father.

Lecturas, Lecturas, y mas Lecturas!

Today was interesting.
Another video lecture in Chembridge.
BIMM is too easy for me,
but I don't think that ASSHOLE is going to give me a good grade.
Fuck him.
Accounting was pretty boring.
No new material.
Calculus was fairly easy.
I hope I passed my test.
I was really aiming for that 110.
:[
But I didn't make it.
Whatever.
It's okay, I guess.
Lunch was filling, for once.
Hinojosa made us do sectionals.
D:
I hate the song we're playing.
Mr. Blumberg smells like ass, seriously.
I guess 'cause he's old.
English was alright.
We continued watching the 13th Warrior.
Antonio Banderas is Sexy.
I need to finish my comic strip for that class.
And I still need to do the last one.
Pizza + Milk = Puke.
The Limit Does Not Exist.
Driving was better.
I pissed off the car behind me because I was going slow.
My daddy gets paranoid a lot.
Poor Daddy.
Mommy will be proud of me.
I bought a Nixon bracelet.
I just wanted to make her happy.

BRING ON HURRICANE IKE!

Let the hurricane set in motion.

Atoms & Blackholes & Limits, Oh My!

Yay for blackholes sucking up Earth!
That's what happens when we mess with science too much.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080911/ap_on_sc/big_bang;_ylt=AiyTizOQV0bYoWHxh9SANIIPLBIF

http://dsc.discovery.com/news/2008/09/10/black-hole-cern.html

"According to Wilczek, that's too small for the baby black hole to eat enough particles to grow to any real size. With no food, the black hole will simply wink out of existence in a fraction of a second."

They make blackholes sound like ittybitty tinywiny cute chubbi slug monsters.

This quote reminds me of Science of Sleep.

"That means even if a black hole were created in Geneva it would have no effect on humanity at large. But, for curiosity's sake, just what would happen to someone if they were dropped into a supermassive black hole, like the one at the center of the galaxy?

"At first they might not even notice," said Wilczek. "We could be in a black hole right now and we wouldn't even know it," since information can't escape a black hole.

Eventually, however, the person would start to feel the forces. The huge differences in gravity in the black hole would slowly stretch a person out while simultaneously compressing his or her sides. Eventually, a person would stretch out like a strand of spaghetti."

Stephane: I DON'T WANT to be spaghetti!

We had our first lecture for Chembridge today.
We didn't finish.
Poor Gabi fell asleep.
The Limit is Tu.
8D
Today's Calculus homework is challenging.
I need sleep.
Now.
BIMM SUCKS.
I went driving with my dad again.
And it rained!
I skiddedededededed.
Just a bit.

Stephane: It's like touching your penis with your left hand.
Stéphanie: I don't have a penis.
Stephane: But you have a left hand.

8D

Stephane: I like your boobs. They're very friendly and unpretentious.

You are the Sin (Pi/2) ...

In my limit. <3

Did that make sense?























From South Carolina. <3

I have been...

monologuing all day long.
I have no idea why.
I caught up with my work at school.
Jenni is possibly one of the best teachers ever. :P
I drove for half an hour today.
I make my dad paranoid.
It rained,
it was beautiful.
My dad and I found the
Complete First Season of Friends
at Goodwill today.
$5.
Not bad.
And it's in GOOD condition.

Now, it is time for a good sammich.

I can show you!

I swear I can.
I truely wish I could show you. Autumn.
Can you feel it?
It's not always warm as the winters.

Winter

I miss Winter.
I miss the coldness creeping up my spine.
I miss the blanket of stars that are visible at night.
Winter.
Just a few more months away.
Fuck Summer and fuck Spring.
Autumn has become my enemy since that day.
Winter.
Where I my cold heart feels at home.
Where I don't need to pretend.
The season where I actually know myself.
And all I can think about is that day...
the first time it snowed in Laredo during my 17 years of exsistance.
I stood outside starring at the sky
without a jacket on.
Just a shirt and shorts.
No shoes, no socks.
I couldn't feel the blood in my veins anymore.
I couldn't feel my own heart beat.
It was all too beautful.
It felt like a dream,
but it was real.
I had no hopes and a pocket full of promises.
Winter kept its word.
The only season...person I could trust.

I'm counting down the days till we meet again.

Autumn,
please hurry, pass, and go.

Your hands are bang, Bang, BANG.

I woke up at 8:30 AM today
and I couldn't go back to sleep.
I think my sleeping habits are changing.
I had a weird dream.
Again I couldn't change it.
But I didn't mind.
I didn't go to church again.
It's been a few months already.
Does this make me a bad kid?
I'm sorry God.
I just don't believe in an ordered religion.
Can I still be reincarnated?
Yesterday was fun.
Went to the Planetarium with Hippie and Ana,
then went to iHop after that with my parents.
Good weekend.
I didn't mind it one bit.
:]
Maybe I will go to TAMIU.
Hopefully.
I also did my homework.
Plus, I got to watch some of the movie Martian Child.
I loved it.
:D

P.S. I got new shoes yesterday. :P

I think I'm turning into my mother.

Au Revoir, Mr. Mercury.

So this week has been pretty...dumb.

On Sunday, I felt like total crap. I drove at the LEC and I almost crashed into a pole. Stupid me for making a fast sharp turn. Then I went to Walmart and ended up bumping into my "friends". I felt bad that they didn't invite me. :/ Wait! Not even. Not the fact that they didn't invite me. The fact that they had the nerve to lie to me. They said, "Well you weren't online!" And the truth was, I WAS ONLINE. -_- They could've called, but no. Whatever. I don't expect much from anybody. And I guess I was mad at one person most of all, so when I went to school, I didn't even talk to them or look at them. Then on Tuesday they started talking to me again. So I guess I let go of the grudge. Wednesday, Jenni gave me a ride to my mom's work because my dad's car broke down. I stayed at my mom's work till 7-8 pm. I went ghosts hunting there and might have had an encounter with one. Then on Thursday, I met my Chembridge professor in the morning and went to a parent's meeting with my dad that evening. We went to Lin's after that. Once I got home, I fell asleep. Friday, I woke up at 5AM and took a shower. According to my dad, I threw off the whole day. All the Nixon band kids weren't at VMT, so it was pretty quiet. I pwned everyone in class at Photoshop. I talked shit about a chick with someone else, and we both hate her. Rude little kid needs to get hit in the vag. Then we went out to eat at Logan's. I fell asleep and I woke up at ten AM today. That's about it. I really didn't feel like typing.

Now I'm waiting for 7 pm to go to the Planetarium with my friends. <3

It’s Hard Working With...

Spilt-Personalities.
I mix up reality and dreams,
and it all becomes too real.
One second I'm falling off a building,
the next second, I'm sitting in class starring at the board.
Then I'm way different at home then I am in school.
Well, public, in general.
I don't have to fake my laughter.
I don't need to fake a smile.
I don't need to trust anybody but myself.
Even then,
I am my worst enemy.
I'll be sitting here on my bed,
then I'll find myself watching myself pace around the room.
The person I see in the mirror
is not the person same everyone else sees.
And everyday it changes,
I go from the happy spirited Ambient Kid,
to the Sickness that crawls underneath my skin.
Even Lucid Dreaming has become a problem.
I know that I'm in my dream,
I know that nothing is "real".
But I can't escape it.
I can't change it anymore.
I can't make things appear and make things go away.
And I can't go to my memory bank.
I can't replay the first time I fell for Autumn.
I can't reply his smile.
I can't.
I want to.
No matter how many times I told myself no,
I just want to go back and relive it one more time.



I could've done more.
I should've done more.